just venting, this isnt suppose to be a master peice.

i have messed up alot in my day, seen alot of hardships and pain in my day. i have been around the block, in the hotseet not knowin what to say. feelin all alone, like im sinkin in a hole with nobody around, not a whisper not a sound. the worst part is, im not even screamin or reachin. idk where to start to ask for help. i have the instruction book in my hands. its heavy in my mind. ive flipped through it but its like a puzzle and i dont know where to start. i got bits and peices but i still feel like im left in the dark. all i see is what i dont have. im so focused on the depth of this hole that im in that i ignore the ladder that reaches all the way up to the end.

tonight, i cracked my bible open to read it for the first time in about 3 weeks. I have felt more secular and have struggled more so, it has felt like, this past few weeks than i have since school. i have completely ignored God, and whored after worldy sins. then tonight, whats the first book of the bible i land on?? HOSEA!! God migh as well have just punched me in the stomache and told me he loved me. Hosea is a book about a prophet of God who is told by God to marry a prostitute. Then Hosea loves her, even when she goes out and whores herself out to other men. And Hosea gos and buys her back...this happens time and time again...and Hosea still loves her. That is what God does with me. I go and leave him and sell myself, so to speak, to evil sins of this world, to the temporary feel good that it gives me only to be left with the "hangover" ,i guess you could call it, of my vulgar pleasures...i am the prodigal son that leaves his father for temporal pleasure that leaves me at the bottom of the pig stye. And yet he loves me anyways...i find myself wanting to be loved my people more than puting my feelings into loving God. Yet He brings me back every time.

some poems i wrote for english

"Time"
time is but relativity
Defined by which it is compared
It is no ones specialty
No one caomparisone can possibly be shared.

"I use to be"
Once i was
An ember, sparked
Interest, burned to make its mark
Now i am
a welders flame
wielded by its maker for projects with unequaled fame.

"Sin"
A sickness of the heart it is
To be trivial is an understatement
to be cured only by His love.
So keep your heart set on things above.

"Showers and storms"
Rain splatters on the tin roofs
of little stalls as horses beat their hooves.
The smell of dew brushes my nose
as i step out and the wind blows.

The shadows of darkness loom over the land
as the thunder cloud approaches and seeminly expand.
The animals, in distress pace in place
as i see the fear etched deep within their face.

The rain begins to beat
and cover every inch of every street.
Like the sound of warriors in battle
like a fresh horse under your saddle

The sun shines forth in glorious splendor
all is well, the ground feels tendor.
Birds take flight, and squirels scamer on
As i sit and spy from my front lawn.

aspects of a godly man

Hey a good friend of mine just turned 15, and for his birthday his dad had a man ceromony for him. He had a buch of guys get together after playing a beast game of basketball and tell him what they thought it looked like t be a Godly man. So i just wanted to share with yall what i shared with him....this is a very condenced version however.

part of being a godly man, is leadership. And what i see in the men that i respect and love the most is love, humility, and service....look at the greatest servant of all, and therefor, man or vice versa, Jesus Christ. He was known as the suffering servant, he was perfectly loveing and perfectly humble...the best leaders are those who first and foremost, serve with joy because of their love and humility.

And also maturity. Being a man is not instant like i think austin or jordan said. its a process called maturity. And this year the aspect of maturity that God has shone me is that maturity is not perfection, its learning how to deal with your lack of perfection in a way that is honoring to the Lord.
so seek Love and you will find humility, find humility and you will serve, serve and you will be a better leader. Be content in all things, find joy in all through Christ, and you will find maturity.

Break thou the bread of Life- Mary A. Lathbury

break thou the bread of life, dear Lord,to me,
As thou didst break the loaves beside the sea;
Throughout the sacred page I seek thee, Lord,
My spirit pants for thee, O living Word.

Bless thou the truth, dear Lord, to me, to me,
As thou didst bless the bread by Galilee;
Then shall all bondage cease, all fetters fall;
And i shall find my peace, my all in all.

Thou art the bread of life, O Lord, to me,
thy holy Word the truth that saveth me;
Give me to eat and live with thee above;
Teach me to love thy truth, for thou art love.

O send thy Spirit, Lord, now unto me,
that he may touch mine eyes, and make me see:
show me the truth concealed within thy Word,
And in thy book revealed I see the Lord.

O for a thousand tongues to sing-Charels Wesley

O for a thousand tongues to sing
my great Redeemers praise,
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace.

My gracious Master and my God,
Assist me to proclaim,
To spread through all the earth abroad,
The honors of Thy name.

Jesus! the name that charms our fears,
That bids our sorrows cease;
'Tis music in the sinners ears,
'Tis life and health and peace.

He breaks the pow'r of reighning sin,
He sets the prisoner free;
His blood can make the foulest clean;
His blood availed for me.

He speaks and, list'ning to His voice,
New life the dead recieve;
The mournful, broken hearts rejoice;
The humble poor believe.

Hear him, ye deaf; his praise, ye dumb,
Your loosened tongues employ,
Ye blind, behold your Savior come;
And leap, ye lame, for joy.

Glory to God and praise and love
Be ever giv'n
By saints below and saints above-
The church in eath and heav'n.

riding the roller coster of life.

Dude....God is good....im not....yet he loves me anyways....thats legit...yet i always try to earn his favor like he hasnt already given it to me....i seek for pleasure in other things instead of Him....im trying to find the balance between accepting grace and mourning over my sin...its not easy. im striving to seek joy in everything through God, keep my eyes focused on the goal set before me, seek to be one with all Christians, seek other people love in humility (which i am suckin at)...my emotions have been kinda wack....its hard when those people you consider your best friends only see you as an aquantences....or anyways thats how i feel....and then i get scared that i only feel that way beacause im not always the center of attention and its just me being attention hungry or whatever.....and then you dont want to force them to be your friend out of obligation...you cant make someone like you.....and then i feel like crap cuz i know i shouldnt let that stuff bother me becuase all i need is God and through worring about that i am not recognizing Him as my true satisfatction.....sooo yeah...im super pumped about young guns and going to plya del Carmen this summer....that is if i graduate....but God is incontrole and all will workout for Him and His glory.